Needless to say I'm picky when it comes to dating. So when you ask what I like I can't give you just one answer to sum it up. That does not mean I am indecisive. I've just got my standards as well as stoplights, warning signs, and baggage claim checks that must be reviewed. But I'm thinking I might need to advise my advisors that my life of speed dating is making me wary.
Potential candidates must be: Short kind of tall; slim kind of thick; brown kind of yellow; smart kind of intelligent (no variance there).
Not very hard I think. Overall I am tired of starting over. As every different date I go on I answer the same questions. Imagine how many times I get asked when is your birthday? Favorite Food? Where I am originally from? What I'm looking for in this dating scene? What movie should we see? Restaurant to eat? Where to pick you up or meet? My place or yours?
I feel like I should be submitting a cover letter with resume. Because I am sick of interviewing for a job that I sometimes don't want or that you think I am not qualified enough for. Ultimately I just want someone to share my day with. I'm looking forward to second dates, third trips to your favorite vacation spots. Being recognized by your favorite cousin at their wedding. You coming through my bedroom door a set of keys in your hand because you have it like that. No longer screening phone calls from dates gone awry who didn't get the message that they have been replaced. Not even replaced a 1st date means that further follow-up information was needed before meeting with other applicants.
I've made compromises lowering my bar thinking it might be me. Only to wonder if I can fit out the window in the bathroom. Get my friend to call with an "emergency". Or to slide my arm from under your head without waking you up. No one likes being rejected. And others don't know how to reject respectively.
You are not my type. I'm looking for someone (fill in the blank). Oh my friend said you looked different. I have no job. I live with my mama. Do you have money to pay for your half? I'm not exactly single. I'm gay.
Some extremes are not worth exploring. But ultimately how creative do you think I am to come up with 50 Original First Dates? How many first times do I have to see the same movie? Add some explanation next to your name in my phone so that I know which _____ I am calling? How many times do I have to wake up every morning and meet someone new?
Here's to 51.
To the comments that might come or not. Often we say date and meaning something else. It's like the word love. It's up to interpretation. For someone a date is a movie. A drink. Dinner. Some combinations of all three and many other variations. To others a date is a hookup. Or a mutual understanding between two that you are interested in repeating any of these actions. It is not a relationship. Nor does one date entitle you to anything other then potentially a second date. And more common then not people date more then one person at one time. Hopefully you are not on date number 5 with three different people, but hey if you have the time do you. It's called considering your options. I have realized that I am becoming a serial dater. That's coming to an end. I read this line in response to a different topic but it still holds relevance.
"I wonder if the core of the problem is that in our fear that we'll never find anyone and be lonely for the rest of our lives, we become too active in a process in which we should be more laid back, patient and passive."
Here is to a passive Staats. So when 51 does show up, maybe some of the cynicism will have ebbed away. Or at least he will have different questions to ask.
Yes we do what we do, but we're young beautiful and able to explore those options. I relish in this, because in our "line of work" we don't have to worry about unwanted pregnancies, or getting tied down to someone by accident, because the role the were playing when we met, pulled me in. I relish in the fact that we can serial date until we find what really suites us. The one thing I will say is don't get caught up so much in the visual that you can't see the inner core of who a person is. What their goals, ambitions, or characteristics are. If someone tells you that they were once a killer or thief, nine times out of ten they are probably still that person. I like to get to know someone, and if that guy (or girl) is not willing to give any other part other than their penis to me, then I don't want or need to be bothered. PREACH ON!!!!
ReplyDelete-Cortri Trotter
Very reflective, introspective piece. I believe dating is an unnecessary process. In fact, when we date, we don't really see people for who they are. Instead, we see the creation of what they have projected as our expectations of a person we might want...and if we have an opportunity to get through the 1st date, and on to 2 or 3, then we start, eventually, to see people for who they really are. I believe that if people learned to love themselves, and respect their individual gifts, talents and blessings, and to walk with that as they do a new shirt or new kicks, then we'd have a better appreciation for each other. We'd save time, energy, money and dates - and connect with the people we are meant to make connections with.
ReplyDeleteI always try to remember, even though I don't date, when I meet new people, that if they can't appreciate me as I am - then they aren't meant to occupy a place in my merry existence. Fear of rejection or Fear of anything for that matter is really just faith inverted. I have FAITH that I will only attract suitable matches for my various experiences.
Good luck with 51, 52, or 53...eventually you will get past the first dates...my hope is that you come to a place where dating is not work, but instead opportunity. JR
50 First Dates was a genius chick flick, made me want to live in Hawaii
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