20 Questions

Excuse me Miss, but can I offer you some companionship?
You know a companion?
Someone to keep you company?
Share a cup of coffee; some conversation.
No, not looking for a relationship.
Wouldn’t know how to deal with one.
See, I’m damaged goods,
I’ve been broken and I’m still tryna put the pieces together.
What do you want to know?
I’m ready for the Q&A.
Are you ready for the answers?
Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need.
As long as you don’t ask we can still keep this easy fantasy.

Who am I?
I’m an addict.
Been addicted to the same thing for 5 years.
Didn’t realize it was an addiction until today.
Got told that I looked tired.
The way they said tired, I felt they were talking about my spirit.
My fascination with my addiction matured into a realization
Really it was my perversion.
Twisted images making a slow motion picture.
Sorry, I’m putting too much on you.
More questions?

Where have I been?
To everywhere and nowhere.
Past then, forward to never, here to now.
I’ve been someone’s companion, someone’s company before.
Also been a mover and shaker.
Prince and pauper. Criminal and victim. Hoe and John.
I’ve been to love and to heartache.
They don’t live too far from each other, so it was a short trip.
Still interested?
I’m warning you the politically correct answers are about to dry up.
You should stamp me return to sender.
Glutton for punishment?


What am I looking for?
Solace. Not to be confused with solicitation.
Longevity. Consistency. Not this frantic day-to-day.
Nor this same shit different day.
Not this same bed different…
Again I digress.
I’m looking for understanding. Yeah, understanding.
But do you understand? Yes. No.
Wait. Hold on before you ask another, I have more to say.
I kinda like this question.
I am looking to be self-medicated.
Self-motivated into trying self-healing.
I am looking to make the things wrong with me right.
Healed, because someone that is so sick like me
Has no business trying to make something new.
Especially, when I don’t know if I’m contagious.
My emotional nervous system has Acquired an Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
Yes, before you ask I’ve looked into herbal remedies.
And I’ve tried rubbing alcohol in a glass on the rocks
But swallowing hasn’t helped either.

How many women have I slept with?
Interesting question.
You tell me why you would ask that.
Why that is something that you want to know.
You give me a valid reason and I’ll give you an honest answer.
But to me that is an inconsequential.
I don’t do number questions.
How many? How many times? How many places?
Are you coming home with me tonight?
That’s the only way you get to an immediate answer to something like that.
Yes, I’ve been promiscuous and had pre-martial sex
And almost always used precaution.
Still doesn’t remove me from the consequences of pre-natal care
Or clinical treatment every six months.
If I were you I would’ve asked when was the last time I’ve been tested.
No, it doesn’t imply that you want to sleep with me.
It’s almost like asking do I care about myself and those that I bed.
I’m no saint. Nor an angel.
Only wings I think I will ever get are the ones etched in ink I have.
And those were a gift.
Sorry, another tangent. Touchy subject for me.

What do I do for a living?
I hustle.
I put pen and per and illustrate in block script.
No, it doesn’t pay the bills, but you asked what I did for a living.
In order for me to live I have to write.
Have to work out my problems on parchment.
I’m parched. Your turn.

What's my problem?
I’m an addict. I think too much.
Like I think you don’t ask the right questions.
I think we scratch the surface
Then get upset when we find that the well we’ve chosen to drink from is shallow.
You sit there trying to strike oil.
Things seem like I could be someone to get to know.
But don’t try to mold me.
I’m broken pieces.
Told you before.
I’m trying to use this upfront and honesty thing.
Prevent the highs and lows in getting acquainted.
Not ready to be someone’s rock.
But maybe we could be companions.
And when you want to ask the right questions
But you aren’t happy with the answers, I’ll respect that.
You can walk on by and there will be no hard feelings.
I’m not trying to scare you.
I’m a work in progress. Working on me.
And honestly. Well we all have secrets.
I’m willing to share with you.
But ask the right questions.
Something’s are easier to say yes or no to
Then volunteering information.
Until then. I’m here.
Trying to keep you company.
But I’m more then comfortable being by myself.
Are you?

© August 2006
Staats