Alicia Keys American Music Award Performance

Now this is for all you Jamaicans, West Indians, Reggae and Dancehall lovers young and old, this is truly worth of a Reggae Collabo. And the best performance that night. Sorry its so late

This Christmas

(**Bloggers note: Amidst the Writer's Strike going on nationwide, it really gives focus to the freedom that all writers possess. For those apart of the Union that exercise this freedom I commend them. But in the same breath realize that I don't think I could subject my craft to the scrutiny of others. And I use scrutiny loosely because what is a blog but for others to read and comment. I mean to be forced to edit my work, submit to deadlines and paychecks. I do this because I like to, and not because its a task assigned to me. So this piece is somewhat of a break from the norm. I don't usually do request work. I don't write on command about any topic or specifically for any one person so AJ (you know who you are) this is in part for you. But I also had some notes on this that I wanted to share as well.) **

I had the opportunity to see an ensemble cast that resembled a lot of my family members and situations in the form of the new movie 'This Christmas' a few weeks ago. I was still doing my best Scrooge impression, as I was not so ready to move from turkey to Tree Trimming so fast. It seems like the Holiday Season always surprises up when it does arrive. And opening the day before the Turkey and Over Roasted Honey Ham had even been cut came this film that at first glance looked like the second part of Soul Food (which also opened up right before the Thanksgiving Holiday season) a little more than 10 years ago. The similarities ensued as the commonalities between many movies focused on the closeness of African-American families. The reason why these movies do so well is because many African-Americans identify with the characters and scenarios.

There is always that matriarch (although I am sick of the name Madea...thanks Tyler Perry) who seems to cook dinner, decorate the house, balance the check book, run the family business, keep the peace, and still seems to know what's really going on in her children's lives despite their locations. (Shout outs to all the women that do this with one hand tied behind her back). Then as stereotypical as usual Papa is missing in action as The Temptations (<<Thanks Dad) put it so quaintly 'Papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home...'. The one difference is that the movie does focus on how blended families can still work out. Many strong male characters in the film (Delroy Lindo, Idris Alba, Colombus Short, Chris Brown, and even 'Cousin Fred') stress the importance of family and the sacrifices that we make for the sake of blood.

The women in the movie all represent African-American women in many different stages of their lives. The separated mother (who is still getting her groove on but hasn't moved on from her 1st husband), the career college student (who has the best intentions with school, just not as much focus), the too focused career woman (who can't get out of her own way and allow someone to love her outside of her family), and the stay-at-home-mom (who does what too many women do nowadays and think that infidelity should be overlooked for lack of confidence and find ways to excuse it). Very Soul Foodish, but portrayed very well by Loretta Devine, Lauren London, Sharon Leal, and Regina King, respectively. And on a side note, big ups to the director for making sure Regina King had next to nothing on. I mean housewife or not she stayed in the gym to keep that body tight and tried to keep her man home and satisfied. Hey if you're going to do it, you mind as well be the best at it. LOL. And no matter what role Regina King plays she always seems to carry that homegirl quality. Every family has a member like her. You have to give her creativity points too, baby oil and a leather belt. LOL. That ranks up there with Al Greene and the hot grits.

Not trying to give too much of the movie away, but I think it appeals to me because I come from a pretty close medium to large size family. Where if you share that similarity can attest that hijinks's like those in the movie happen at many a family function. Most of all it reminded me that Christmas really isn't Christmas without being surrounded by the ones you love. Not necessarily the ones you like, but when all is said and done you know they would do anything for you. And yes they will judge, point fingers, fight with you on the front lawn, at the bar, or on vacation, but let someone from outside the family step to you and they will have your back. I feel like I have celebrated Christmas for the last two months. The only thing I really wanted was to spend time with all of my family. It was part of the reason why I have moved back to the Northeastern area. My brother is back from Iraq and him and his entire family made the trek from Hawaii to the East Coast. At the drop of a dime my family was there to celebrate with dishes of all kinds and of course spirits. That's family.

This Christmas don't send yourself into credit card debt that you will be paying off til August. It's not worth it. Enjoy the greatest gifts that this season has to offer. Turn over and smile at the special someone that makes this cold season a little warmer. Or walk down the hall and peek in on the little ones whose innocence you are shaping while they are still caught up in being comfortable and not the commodity of this Holiday. And if you have to by train, plane, bus, or automobile make sure that home is where your heart is This Christmas morning. Rejoice and be glad. And lest not forget that 'Jesus is the reason for the season'.

**(Bloggers 2nd note: I'm an old school fan too. Chris Brown as talented as he is needed to leave Donny Hathaway's original alone. Too many runs. The soundtrack for the movie is bumpin' though. And for me it's not the Christmas season until I hear The Temptations 'Silent Night'. By the way this will be my only Christmas piece. It snowed today in Jersey and with it being December it seemed perfect timing to post this. I will not be posting many movie reviews, just ones I feel strongly about. But another good one to check out if you haven't seen it is The Family Stone. Now with that said you won't see anything about The Perfect Holiday, you know that other movie starring Morris Chestnut and Gabrielle Union (for like the 5th time). Although I will be seeing the new Will Smith production I Am Legend, again no other plugs especially since I hope it doesn't follow the boring footsteps of Tom Hank's one man show Cast Away. And if you went to go see This Christmas you probably also got a chance to view the trailer for the new Ice Cube movie featuring Katt Williams. I'm not even going to tell you the name. One word for it Buffoonery. LOL. I'm going to sneak in. It's my way of not really supporting.)**

"I want to wish you a Merrrrrry

Merrrrrrry Christmassssss

To eaccchhhh

To all of youuuuuu

Merrrrrrry Christmasssss

To all of youuuuuuuuu

(in the deep voice)

Merry Christmas from the Temptations"

Servers Strike Back

For all of you who DON'T wait tables!!!
If you go out to eat, or plan to EVER again... READ THIS!

P.S. An addendum to this list will be coming soon.

HOW TO TIP

easy tip: take 10% of the total price of the ticket and then double it.
$50.00 tab = $5.00 x 2 = $10.00 would be an alright tip.

The next time you're out eating at a resturant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it's what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!

There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":
If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restraunt. It's very distracting and rude to others eating, not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.

2. "THE CAMPERS":
If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money. Not to mention, if you are our last table we have to wait for you to leave before we can leave.

3. COMPLIMENTS:
Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is not a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave 10% it's an insult.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:
Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we can't pay bills w/prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.

5. TIPPING:
It is not 1960. Cost of living has gone up dramatically since then. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. Look at the first number of your bill. ie. if your bill is $30, double the 3 & you have a $6 tip. If the second number is more than 5 however, you must add a dollar. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage (minumum wage for servers is $6.75 in CA, $3.13 in FL, $3.09 in IA, $2.13 in NJ, 2.65 in MI, 2.15 in OK, $2.13 in TX, $2.43 in NC). And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

6. THE COMPLAINERS:
If you get a discount because your food was prepared wrong or something, do not take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.


7. THE LATE ONES:
If you come into the restraunt 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. Closed means closed, not social hour. It is so rude to sit there and take your sweet ass time. We can't leave until you leave because we have to do sidework and clean the table you are sitting at. We don't want to stand there waiting for you for an extra hour just because you don't want to go home. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.

8. THE TABLE HOGGERS:
If you only come in for coffee or a dessert, to do paper work, or to have a meeting, don't sit there taking up our booths for hours. We are not Starbucks or a hotel restraunt. If you want to sit for hours, go there or else you better leave a good tip for us and camping fee included.

9. THE GREET:
When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing, please let us know. We honestly want to know how you are doing. And ask us how we are doing as well. It's called manners. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that from the beginning. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also most of us are REQUIRED to say certain things during the greeting, so please don't interrupt our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?" Just sit tight for a damn minute & let us talk. You're not helping us out & saving us time by stopping our greet, you are pissing us off.

10. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:
Don't ever talk on your cell phone in a restaurant. This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. Just show some respect and give us your attention for a couple of minutes.

11. THE PICKY PEOPLE:
When you're taken to a table, sit there. There's a reason you were taken to that table and it's because that server is next on the rotation. If you prefer a certain table, section, window seat etc. specify that to the host/hostess BEFORE they walk you to your table!! Don't wait till they get to the VERY back of the restaraunt then ask "can we have a booth?" "Can we sit by the window?" No! The reason you weren't sat by the window or in a booth is most likely because the server by the window or the server with the booths just got sat and you will receive better service if you stay put. If you ask BEFOREHAND the hostess has time to sit you accordingly. They have time to find you a table where you will be happy to sit AND receive good service!

12. THE WAVERS:
If you wave at me or try to talk to me while I am talking to another table or have a huge tray in my hand, I WILL ignore you. We have other people besides you to take care of and unless we are standing still or hanging out by a computer, we are doing something. It is rude to think we will stop what we are doing for one table just to come help you. Let me put this heavy ass tray down in the middle of the dining room to find out you want more sauce. Do not grab me, or wave, or shake your glass, or call me ma'am or waiter or any other pet-name you want to call me because you were on your cell, or talking, or interrupted my initial greet where I told you my flippin' name!

IN OTHER WORDS, WE DO NOT HAVE IT EASY AS A SERVER! TAKE CARE OF US AND WE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU!

Camelot

When Love was all brand new I used to greet her outside of the gates,

Open armed ready to be in love.

Only to be slayed.

No suit of armor vulnerable to enemy attack.

I retreated into my castle to let my heart heal,

Knowing that when Love came again I would be better prepared.

I learned more about my strengths and weaknesses during this reflection period.

And I wasn't looking for Love,

I had already eaten from that apple and didn't want to be Adam twice.

When Love disguised as someone else came calling it was from beyond my moat,

My defenses had increased since last we met.

Love spoke of foundations and how mine seemed so strong,

And asked for permission inside my castle.

Leery I conceded.

And Love did not attack.

For it not because of the full armor, shield, and sword I now carried,

Maybe this wasn't the same Love.

This love had taken control of me, but not by force.

Love made herself at home,

And as soon as she realized my heart was on my sleeve,

She knocked it off, threw it across the room, and stepped on it,

With spiked stilettos as she left my castle.

My guards came to my aid and tried to assess how they could have been tricked so easily.

Uncertainty, who is normally first to respond, begin tot second guess Intuition,

Who then accused Hope of being too soft.

Ultimately, Pain took hold of the situation and helped pick up the pieces of my heart.

He took it deep within the castle.

Fortified it behind doors and locks and wore the key around his neck.

He would stand guard and remind me if I ever came down for my heart,

That Love could not be trusted.

He ordered sentries be on the lookout for Love.

And if she was found she was to be shot on sight.

I thought this drastic, so I convinced Pain that Love would be observed,

And final judgement would belong to him.

Pain said he would agree but warned me not to bring Love anywhere near him,

And that she needed to be observed for at least 3 months.

If the other guards found her to be no threat then we would see.

That is why there is a thin line between Pain and Love. Love and Hate.

Pain reminds you that when it hurts so bad,

Even if you didn't recognize it it was Love.

And once Love has found your heart, it would really Hate to be left alone again.

So while you may walk around my castle unscathed,

You can not hurt me love.

There are defenses in place to prevent that.

Walls that must come down first.

So while I see you on the horizon,

I wonder if in 3 months I can trust what I have learned about you.

And ask myself am I ready for Love?

© October 2007
Staats

TV Schizophrenia

I have a DVR. It's the only way I can watch television nowadays. And after getting off late at night there is nothing on television to watch, so I just record shows aimlessly. Tuesday night I got off early (9pm) and happened to catch up on some of my favorite shows. Random as it may sound these are the thoughts that ensued:

Heroes (NBC) is one of the best written shows I have seen in a while. In case you didn't know I am a nerd. A functioning nerd but still a nerd. The intricate character plots and twists definitely keep you tuned in.

Lebron James is a funny dude. Not funny haha, but funny to laugh at. If you missed it I'm sure its on YouTube already, the King of Basketball allowed the group over at Saturday Night Live to do whatever they wanted to him. Which includes dressing him up as a Solid Gold Dancer with Jheri Curl and skin tight gold pants with matching top.

I hope my wife (if I ever get married) at 56 has a body like Jane Seymour on Dancing With the Stars(ABC). I mean GrandMami is fly. A little pale for my tastes but still fly. And she is flexible...which helps her on the show of course. I am still pulling for the Cheetah and the Spice Girl in the finals.

Ellen Degeneres and the dog issue has gone way to far. At first it was a little sad to hear. Then I remembered that I am not a pet person. And although I can be sympathetic, empathy escapes me. Although her cult fans need to be stopped. Stop sending death threats just because your favorite TV host is losing her mind during a taping.

And in case you have been sleeping underneath a rock. Ellen Degeneres is a lesbian. Not that that matters. I just kind of needed a segue into my next topic. Gay fictional characters. It was alluded to in the on-air friendship between two hobbits in Lord of the Rings. And ironically didn't include gay British actor Ian McKellan (Gandolf the Grey/White). But another in the Wizarding World was recently let out of his magical closet. Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizarding, in the uber-popular Harry Potter series, is in fact gay. Gasp!!! Religious zealots are devastated that their children have been at the center of this plot by J.K. Rowling and they are currently in the process of trying to see how fast a 700-page book burns. Get a life. In a book that alludes to everything but sex, the last thing we need to be doing is re-reading the series to find clues to a ficitional characters sexuality. (Hell look at Bert and Ernie from Seasame Street...oops you did know...right) Although, it might be interesting to see if in the 6th Harry Potter movie installment the actor that plays the now vilified character has a little more limp in his wrist when flicking his wand. Stereotypical gumps.

Why is California always on fire? I mean always. Really? Can someone please explain it to me. And why is it always a special report on ABC about it?

VH-1 is officially the new BET. I remember once upon a time there were very few programs that catered towards Blacks on the network. In the last month VH-1 has seen the premiere's of Hip-Hop Honors, I Love New York 2, The Salt-N-Peppa Show, as well as their continuing specials dedicated to Iconic members of Rap and R&B music. BET aired the Hip-Hop Awards. Ummm...kind of dropping the ball aren't ya? Now, I'm not saying that VH-1 always put together quality shows, but in comparison to BET...well there isn't much to compare now is there.

And couldn't help but mention that certain people in Hip-Hop are too funny. In the immortal words of Dave Chappelle..."When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong". This weeks recipient of the award goes to Foxy Brown. In an attempt to prove that although she wasn't the first female MC to do hard time she is the baddest to do it. While serving a year in jail (Riker's Island), the BK rapper has recently gotten herself 2 months in the Hole. For you non-prison show watchers is solitary confinement for acting a damn fool. Need a say more?

No more TV for me tonight. This schizo thing might be a reoccurring thing. Or just might be completely random. Guess we will all find out.

Why Did I Get Married?

An institution as old as time. Marriage. Some do it for personal gain, because of family obligations, for money, some do it for love, and others for many other reasons. But how many married couples get asked the question "Why Did You Get Married?" And further more who would answer truthfully? Tyler Perry's new #1 hit movie "Why Did I Get Married?" which premiered last week asks four couples that question on a weekend getaway and the drama that ensues.

Many have reviewed the movie, which is being marketed as a Dra-medy (Drama/Comedy), but it's a very real look into the motives of couples. And how loving someone is harder then not loving them at all. Now, I'm not going to spoil any of the scenes for those haven't seen it yet. But after watching the movie I looked at all those in my circle of friends, family, co-workers who were married or getting married. I wrote a piece a few years back called "The Single Man's Blue's", and my desire to be married with children. Watching this movie showed me that many couples even with their best intentions have secrets, lie, withhold information from their loved ones. Some do it maliciously, some do it to "protect" them, and some do it because they think the truth would be worst to handle.

I had the opportunity to speak with my ex about an act of infidelity that I had committed while we were together, that I later confessed too. At the time I thought I was being forthcoming, in hindsight I realize there might have been a selfish acknowledgment since my conscious was eating at me. Nonetheless I recently asked her if she wishes that I hadn't told her. And she said yes. WOW! That simple truth on my part changed our lives and relationship with each other. So I begin to wonder what secrets my friends, family members, even my own parents kept from each other.

My parents have been married for almost 25 years. They have outlasted some of their friends', siblings, and other marriages. And I wonder if the simple word of TRUST is what keeps them together. That my mother trusts my father and vice versa. I think that was the apparent disconnect in the movie between all of the couples. They didn't trust some aspect of their spouse. Their job, career goals, past, ambition. Or for others they think that some secrets should be ignored no matter how apparent because they are the only man/woman in their life. Such self-pity often keeps dead end marriages together far longer then they should last. Others feel a sense of responsibility to children, family, society to keep their marriage intact. They provide others with an idea marriage at the expense of their own happiness. It doesn't seem fair.

I see my parents and think why did they get married? I have a pretty good idea of why. A better question is why after all these years have they stayed married? And that answer matters more then the first. The reasons of why always seem to be minuscule when compared with the reality that is now. And for some the answer isn't pretty. I have seen so many friends recently get married for what seems to be the right reason. I am even in two weddings in the next 3 months. One of them is a do-over. It was called off a year ago (Damn non-refundable deposits). I wish all the happy couples many years of happiness. And when those unhappy days come (and they will come), don't make lists of Pros and Cons of your spouse, but remember what made u say "I Do", in the beginning, and try to imagine if you had said I don't. If that foundation is enough to stand on, then you need to try to make things work.

As for me I am as single as a long mid-summer day in Alaska (That's almost 19hrs of daylight. LOL) And I'm happy being with me. And when the time comes for me to get married somebody print this out and shove it in my face and remind me to think before I rent another non-refundable tuxedo.

Where Did My Theme Song Go?

"It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page..."

Do you remember that theme song? Remember the rest of the words? Or what show used to start with that same diddy every TGIF? Family Matters. But apparently music doesn't. There is a very small percentage of television shows (thanks to reality tv) that actually have real actors, but also are missing that vital theme song where as soon as we hear it we are instantly connected with our favorite characters.

Do you remember the television show that recreated there theme song and introduction every season? "The Cosby Show". It was as much apart of the show as the scripted dialogue. So why have so many writers and shows opted out of this age old (well as old as television anyway) tradition? 1.5-2 minutes. The average hour long television show only actually airs 40 minutes of footage the rest is filled with commercials and credits. And you have a DVR that automatically records programming you have faced frustrations with programs that go one or two minutes over and you miss the ending of a great cliffhanger. (Ha! Ayo, I'm tired of using technology. You can't trust it for everything)

In an effort to gain a whole episode worth of shooting (22 episodes= avg season; 22 + 2minutes= 1 extra episode) these shows have decided that no introduction is necessary. Literally. No theme. Either a quick recap or lead-in and then just the name of the show. The first 2 minutes of shooting usually reserved for special guests appearances to have their names displayed now include the principle characters. Now for shows like "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" ("In West Philadelphia born and raised"), we all knew who Will Smith was but we only kept up with the other characters because of the intro which happens to be one of the most popular rap lines sung by all, ranking up there with Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back". There isn't a hard formula to follow, the greatest words aren't even necessary just a catchy tune. Look at Showtime's hit show Weeds. ("Tiny boxes on the hillside...") They have the same theme song, yet song in a different genre each week. Its really quite creative.

I bring this up because I am a nostalgia type of guy. Music is the only form of time travel that I am aware of. So networks if you wonder why no one remembers your last failed attempt at a cult classic hit television show, think about bringing some lyricists and create a jingle that jogs the memory.

"Where did my theme song go, I'm wonder where it went off too. I miss my theme song so, I'm searching but I can't get through. Please tell that song if you hear it, that someones longing to learn it. Where did my theme song go, I'm wishing it would get back soon. Get back soon."

So what's your favorite theme song? Mine goes along with this posts picture. Let me know. Better yet let's see you kick some of the lyrics.

Far be it for me to allow faulty associations from faux friends.
Ultimately ur unforgettable excuses are useless when usually I didn't expect much from u.
Cautiously I convey conscious decisions to be more selective about the collective I keep in confidence.
Keeping those that don't want to be kept, killing time rather then being a kickstand.
Yet you rather misrepresent yourself; youthful delusions have let me know that your youngness is contagious and at my age it's time for you to leave.
Ordinarily I would organize my thoughts better; ought to open up to the idea that friends can be opposites and understand you.
Usually I have plenty of umbrellas to stand under; uncommonly too often I find myself in the rain. An understatement which I will forever utilize.


be careful of those with ulterior motives and of those you are quick to call friend. and for those offended by this piece, just read straight down the side.

© October 2007
Staats

First Day of Class

Hello I'm STAATS.
That's two A's in the middle.
Or A Squared if you like Algebra.
And on the subject of math I am a Fraction of your random stereotypes.
As some Black women like to categorize me I am Half of "one of the four".
Usually meant to describe the Ratio of available Black Men to Black Women.
Gay, in Jail, married, or just doesn't want you.
So being Half of that Equation I am either Bi, on probation, in a serious relationship, or have very little interest in you.
Nonetheless it makes for a great Theorem that we will not be proving today.
It just serves as an introduction to this Mathematical lesson.
To find out more you can turn to your Glossary in the back of your book.
Past the answers to only the Odd questions,
Which you still can't turn in without showing the Work.
I am that One question on your final exam that takes the whole class to unravel.
And even then that isn't enough time.

To truly grasp this course you must understand that I use words to speak the most universal language...
MATH.
Very few people grasp the remedial skills to excel to STAATS.
I'm not for everybody.
Although my existence has always been permeated by the association of basic Numbers.
It is the intricacies in how they are used that create me.

For example:
I am the bi-product of 1 plus 1.
An 11 plus 14 brought forth a 7 born on the 22nd day.
Twice named and forged with statistical value I am a 1st born 2nd.

Statistically speaking the Average man has 8 Perfect years in his life.
As I have reached my 5th Perfect year I am beginning to see that life really is what you make it.
That a 3-year detour is just a detour.
The Line may go off on a Tangent, but still Intersects on the same Plane.
Be it Jersey, NC, Philly, or Bmore, it's Congruent.
Not the same but Equal to.
It might sound like an over complicated way to explain something so simple.
But for those that struggled in Math, and haven't taken STAATS yet
Feel free to hit Graph on your TI-82 Calculator.

© October 2007
Staats

Honestly Speaking

Honestly speaking, I’m not so honest.
I’m complicated.
But if I wasn’t would you be here.
If I didn’t present a break from the norm, obviously there would be no need for me to be so honest.
Honestly.
If I was to write my honesty down it would be an epic tragedy.
If I was to sing it, it would be the saddest love song.
If I was to just do it…I would be presiding over my own eulogy…but I’m still here.
I’m still standing…still living in the now.
Still watching my life in Technicolor and digitally mastered surround sound.
Honestly speaking, I’ve walked through life unaware of my surroundings.
Right and left blinders on so I see only what is ahead.
But I can still see a future so I’m really trying to speak honestly.
Create a foundation that is not cemented in half truths.
And truthfully you must be someone short of amazing.
Truly.
My eyes aren’t protected from your light, blinders or not.
You create such a supernova of possibilities that I can’t possibly let this moment slip by.
I want to stop time, fight to live in this moment.
But I just can’t fight anymore.
Can’t make this piece sing right no more.
All there is left is left.
There used to be a time when I thought I could slick talk on the day of judgment.
Now I know for my actions all I can do is repent.
I have a Friend that I turn to that says that no one is without imperfection.
Well, I know I’m not perfect. But does that have to be my direction.
Must I love so hard for me to fall even harder.
Will my pursuit of happiness ever stop being a cylindrical pursuit
Or is confusion ever a two dimensional plane.
As I rambled my Friend smiled, eased my pain, and uttered peace be still.
Do not steal away into the night.
Do not steel away your emotions.
You’ve tried catching love 21 times.
Honestly speaking, maybe catch 22 is a commonality that obviously speaks volumes.
Honestly speaking of course.

© December 2006
Staats

Don't Let Me Die Alone

Don't let me die alone
Away from everyone that knows me past my ID bracelet
Endless hallways lined with numbered doors
Metallic bedside manners and echoed emptiness.
Don't let me die alone.
By myself before being boxed away and laid to rest.
By myself where exchanged pleasantries are hello's and goodbye's
Rather then good morning and good night's.
Don't let me die alone.
You get tired of waiting for visitors that don't come.
You miss out on invitations to come by for the holidays.
You start to lose hope.
Hoping that maybe the grass is greener on the other side.
Don't let me die alone.
Put me in the attic or the basement.
Or the room with no windows on the far side of the house.
Somewhere I can ask for a hug.
From someone other then the stainless steel bars that keep me in place at night.
Don't let me die alone.
I'm telling you this now while my eyes are still brown and clear.
Before cataracts sets in and they turn Gray.
Like Alice through the looking glass I'm still here.
I can see you.
And I'm asking you while I can.
Please don't let me die alone.
Fawn over me while combing my hair.
Or wrap me up in that blanket before it gets stolen.
But don't put me away
Away from all the little reminders of why I should stay here.
Away from front porches with grandkids.
Or playing bingo at The Center down the street.
I might get in the way and I'm sorry.
I just want to be around
I want to stay a little while longer
I know I have to go one day
I'm not fighting that
I just don't want your last memory of me to be you answering the phone.
I'm sorry Sir, your Aunt died.
Alone

R.I.P
Alice Gray
9/25/12 - 1/30/07

© February 2007
Staats

We Don't Care What People Say

Disclaimer: I'm back. Shannon this Blog is for you avid reader that you are. LOL. It's been a while but just because a writer doesn't write as frequently doesn't make him any less of a writer. Just makes them a little backed up. And the more I keep bottled in the more people I go off on. So here is some steam...



Contrary to popular belief I am alive and well.
The reports of my untimely demise have been greatly exaggerated
Although an aggravated assault was made on my character I avoided assassination.
But I'm still going through the motions.
The walking dead.
Still hiding behind this mask of smiles.
My writer's block was less of a block and more of a safeguard from the outside world.
I wasn't nor am I in search of understanding.
I don't write so you have a better idea of who I am.
Those days of seeking social acceptance have ebbed away at some of the bestest/greatest/worstest/most miserablist years of my life.
As I get ready to put this book up on the shelf I realize that this isn't it.
This isn't a book.
It captures as much of my light as a spark does to a dark hallway.
It is time for me to close this chapter.
For good this time.
No revisiting past mistakes.
I've concluded that life puts you through constant tests.
Some harder then others.
Because if life didn't test you how would you know if you were any stronger.
Isolation, assimilation, reconforming to what people wanted me to be that was my test.
I've been fighting against becoming comfortable in North Carolina.
Refusing to play well with others in my box,
Has prepared me to live outside of these four walls.
Where I am no longer a danger to myself.
Time to stop walking to the sound of flapping lips
And dance to my own music.