Why Did I Get Married?

An institution as old as time. Marriage. Some do it for personal gain, because of family obligations, for money, some do it for love, and others for many other reasons. But how many married couples get asked the question "Why Did You Get Married?" And further more who would answer truthfully? Tyler Perry's new #1 hit movie "Why Did I Get Married?" which premiered last week asks four couples that question on a weekend getaway and the drama that ensues.

Many have reviewed the movie, which is being marketed as a Dra-medy (Drama/Comedy), but it's a very real look into the motives of couples. And how loving someone is harder then not loving them at all. Now, I'm not going to spoil any of the scenes for those haven't seen it yet. But after watching the movie I looked at all those in my circle of friends, family, co-workers who were married or getting married. I wrote a piece a few years back called "The Single Man's Blue's", and my desire to be married with children. Watching this movie showed me that many couples even with their best intentions have secrets, lie, withhold information from their loved ones. Some do it maliciously, some do it to "protect" them, and some do it because they think the truth would be worst to handle.

I had the opportunity to speak with my ex about an act of infidelity that I had committed while we were together, that I later confessed too. At the time I thought I was being forthcoming, in hindsight I realize there might have been a selfish acknowledgment since my conscious was eating at me. Nonetheless I recently asked her if she wishes that I hadn't told her. And she said yes. WOW! That simple truth on my part changed our lives and relationship with each other. So I begin to wonder what secrets my friends, family members, even my own parents kept from each other.

My parents have been married for almost 25 years. They have outlasted some of their friends', siblings, and other marriages. And I wonder if the simple word of TRUST is what keeps them together. That my mother trusts my father and vice versa. I think that was the apparent disconnect in the movie between all of the couples. They didn't trust some aspect of their spouse. Their job, career goals, past, ambition. Or for others they think that some secrets should be ignored no matter how apparent because they are the only man/woman in their life. Such self-pity often keeps dead end marriages together far longer then they should last. Others feel a sense of responsibility to children, family, society to keep their marriage intact. They provide others with an idea marriage at the expense of their own happiness. It doesn't seem fair.

I see my parents and think why did they get married? I have a pretty good idea of why. A better question is why after all these years have they stayed married? And that answer matters more then the first. The reasons of why always seem to be minuscule when compared with the reality that is now. And for some the answer isn't pretty. I have seen so many friends recently get married for what seems to be the right reason. I am even in two weddings in the next 3 months. One of them is a do-over. It was called off a year ago (Damn non-refundable deposits). I wish all the happy couples many years of happiness. And when those unhappy days come (and they will come), don't make lists of Pros and Cons of your spouse, but remember what made u say "I Do", in the beginning, and try to imagine if you had said I don't. If that foundation is enough to stand on, then you need to try to make things work.

As for me I am as single as a long mid-summer day in Alaska (That's almost 19hrs of daylight. LOL) And I'm happy being with me. And when the time comes for me to get married somebody print this out and shove it in my face and remind me to think before I rent another non-refundable tuxedo.