Camelot

When Love was all brand new I used to greet her outside of the gates,

Open armed ready to be in love.

Only to be slayed.

No suit of armor vulnerable to enemy attack.

I retreated into my castle to let my heart heal,

Knowing that when Love came again I would be better prepared.

I learned more about my strengths and weaknesses during this reflection period.

And I wasn't looking for Love,

I had already eaten from that apple and didn't want to be Adam twice.

When Love disguised as someone else came calling it was from beyond my moat,

My defenses had increased since last we met.

Love spoke of foundations and how mine seemed so strong,

And asked for permission inside my castle.

Leery I conceded.

And Love did not attack.

For it not because of the full armor, shield, and sword I now carried,

Maybe this wasn't the same Love.

This love had taken control of me, but not by force.

Love made herself at home,

And as soon as she realized my heart was on my sleeve,

She knocked it off, threw it across the room, and stepped on it,

With spiked stilettos as she left my castle.

My guards came to my aid and tried to assess how they could have been tricked so easily.

Uncertainty, who is normally first to respond, begin tot second guess Intuition,

Who then accused Hope of being too soft.

Ultimately, Pain took hold of the situation and helped pick up the pieces of my heart.

He took it deep within the castle.

Fortified it behind doors and locks and wore the key around his neck.

He would stand guard and remind me if I ever came down for my heart,

That Love could not be trusted.

He ordered sentries be on the lookout for Love.

And if she was found she was to be shot on sight.

I thought this drastic, so I convinced Pain that Love would be observed,

And final judgement would belong to him.

Pain said he would agree but warned me not to bring Love anywhere near him,

And that she needed to be observed for at least 3 months.

If the other guards found her to be no threat then we would see.

That is why there is a thin line between Pain and Love. Love and Hate.

Pain reminds you that when it hurts so bad,

Even if you didn't recognize it it was Love.

And once Love has found your heart, it would really Hate to be left alone again.

So while you may walk around my castle unscathed,

You can not hurt me love.

There are defenses in place to prevent that.

Walls that must come down first.

So while I see you on the horizon,

I wonder if in 3 months I can trust what I have learned about you.

And ask myself am I ready for Love?

© October 2007
Staats

TV Schizophrenia

I have a DVR. It's the only way I can watch television nowadays. And after getting off late at night there is nothing on television to watch, so I just record shows aimlessly. Tuesday night I got off early (9pm) and happened to catch up on some of my favorite shows. Random as it may sound these are the thoughts that ensued:

Heroes (NBC) is one of the best written shows I have seen in a while. In case you didn't know I am a nerd. A functioning nerd but still a nerd. The intricate character plots and twists definitely keep you tuned in.

Lebron James is a funny dude. Not funny haha, but funny to laugh at. If you missed it I'm sure its on YouTube already, the King of Basketball allowed the group over at Saturday Night Live to do whatever they wanted to him. Which includes dressing him up as a Solid Gold Dancer with Jheri Curl and skin tight gold pants with matching top.

I hope my wife (if I ever get married) at 56 has a body like Jane Seymour on Dancing With the Stars(ABC). I mean GrandMami is fly. A little pale for my tastes but still fly. And she is flexible...which helps her on the show of course. I am still pulling for the Cheetah and the Spice Girl in the finals.

Ellen Degeneres and the dog issue has gone way to far. At first it was a little sad to hear. Then I remembered that I am not a pet person. And although I can be sympathetic, empathy escapes me. Although her cult fans need to be stopped. Stop sending death threats just because your favorite TV host is losing her mind during a taping.

And in case you have been sleeping underneath a rock. Ellen Degeneres is a lesbian. Not that that matters. I just kind of needed a segue into my next topic. Gay fictional characters. It was alluded to in the on-air friendship between two hobbits in Lord of the Rings. And ironically didn't include gay British actor Ian McKellan (Gandolf the Grey/White). But another in the Wizarding World was recently let out of his magical closet. Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Wizarding, in the uber-popular Harry Potter series, is in fact gay. Gasp!!! Religious zealots are devastated that their children have been at the center of this plot by J.K. Rowling and they are currently in the process of trying to see how fast a 700-page book burns. Get a life. In a book that alludes to everything but sex, the last thing we need to be doing is re-reading the series to find clues to a ficitional characters sexuality. (Hell look at Bert and Ernie from Seasame Street...oops you did know...right) Although, it might be interesting to see if in the 6th Harry Potter movie installment the actor that plays the now vilified character has a little more limp in his wrist when flicking his wand. Stereotypical gumps.

Why is California always on fire? I mean always. Really? Can someone please explain it to me. And why is it always a special report on ABC about it?

VH-1 is officially the new BET. I remember once upon a time there were very few programs that catered towards Blacks on the network. In the last month VH-1 has seen the premiere's of Hip-Hop Honors, I Love New York 2, The Salt-N-Peppa Show, as well as their continuing specials dedicated to Iconic members of Rap and R&B music. BET aired the Hip-Hop Awards. Ummm...kind of dropping the ball aren't ya? Now, I'm not saying that VH-1 always put together quality shows, but in comparison to BET...well there isn't much to compare now is there.

And couldn't help but mention that certain people in Hip-Hop are too funny. In the immortal words of Dave Chappelle..."When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong". This weeks recipient of the award goes to Foxy Brown. In an attempt to prove that although she wasn't the first female MC to do hard time she is the baddest to do it. While serving a year in jail (Riker's Island), the BK rapper has recently gotten herself 2 months in the Hole. For you non-prison show watchers is solitary confinement for acting a damn fool. Need a say more?

No more TV for me tonight. This schizo thing might be a reoccurring thing. Or just might be completely random. Guess we will all find out.

Why Did I Get Married?

An institution as old as time. Marriage. Some do it for personal gain, because of family obligations, for money, some do it for love, and others for many other reasons. But how many married couples get asked the question "Why Did You Get Married?" And further more who would answer truthfully? Tyler Perry's new #1 hit movie "Why Did I Get Married?" which premiered last week asks four couples that question on a weekend getaway and the drama that ensues.

Many have reviewed the movie, which is being marketed as a Dra-medy (Drama/Comedy), but it's a very real look into the motives of couples. And how loving someone is harder then not loving them at all. Now, I'm not going to spoil any of the scenes for those haven't seen it yet. But after watching the movie I looked at all those in my circle of friends, family, co-workers who were married or getting married. I wrote a piece a few years back called "The Single Man's Blue's", and my desire to be married with children. Watching this movie showed me that many couples even with their best intentions have secrets, lie, withhold information from their loved ones. Some do it maliciously, some do it to "protect" them, and some do it because they think the truth would be worst to handle.

I had the opportunity to speak with my ex about an act of infidelity that I had committed while we were together, that I later confessed too. At the time I thought I was being forthcoming, in hindsight I realize there might have been a selfish acknowledgment since my conscious was eating at me. Nonetheless I recently asked her if she wishes that I hadn't told her. And she said yes. WOW! That simple truth on my part changed our lives and relationship with each other. So I begin to wonder what secrets my friends, family members, even my own parents kept from each other.

My parents have been married for almost 25 years. They have outlasted some of their friends', siblings, and other marriages. And I wonder if the simple word of TRUST is what keeps them together. That my mother trusts my father and vice versa. I think that was the apparent disconnect in the movie between all of the couples. They didn't trust some aspect of their spouse. Their job, career goals, past, ambition. Or for others they think that some secrets should be ignored no matter how apparent because they are the only man/woman in their life. Such self-pity often keeps dead end marriages together far longer then they should last. Others feel a sense of responsibility to children, family, society to keep their marriage intact. They provide others with an idea marriage at the expense of their own happiness. It doesn't seem fair.

I see my parents and think why did they get married? I have a pretty good idea of why. A better question is why after all these years have they stayed married? And that answer matters more then the first. The reasons of why always seem to be minuscule when compared with the reality that is now. And for some the answer isn't pretty. I have seen so many friends recently get married for what seems to be the right reason. I am even in two weddings in the next 3 months. One of them is a do-over. It was called off a year ago (Damn non-refundable deposits). I wish all the happy couples many years of happiness. And when those unhappy days come (and they will come), don't make lists of Pros and Cons of your spouse, but remember what made u say "I Do", in the beginning, and try to imagine if you had said I don't. If that foundation is enough to stand on, then you need to try to make things work.

As for me I am as single as a long mid-summer day in Alaska (That's almost 19hrs of daylight. LOL) And I'm happy being with me. And when the time comes for me to get married somebody print this out and shove it in my face and remind me to think before I rent another non-refundable tuxedo.

Where Did My Theme Song Go?

"It's a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page..."

Do you remember that theme song? Remember the rest of the words? Or what show used to start with that same diddy every TGIF? Family Matters. But apparently music doesn't. There is a very small percentage of television shows (thanks to reality tv) that actually have real actors, but also are missing that vital theme song where as soon as we hear it we are instantly connected with our favorite characters.

Do you remember the television show that recreated there theme song and introduction every season? "The Cosby Show". It was as much apart of the show as the scripted dialogue. So why have so many writers and shows opted out of this age old (well as old as television anyway) tradition? 1.5-2 minutes. The average hour long television show only actually airs 40 minutes of footage the rest is filled with commercials and credits. And you have a DVR that automatically records programming you have faced frustrations with programs that go one or two minutes over and you miss the ending of a great cliffhanger. (Ha! Ayo, I'm tired of using technology. You can't trust it for everything)

In an effort to gain a whole episode worth of shooting (22 episodes= avg season; 22 + 2minutes= 1 extra episode) these shows have decided that no introduction is necessary. Literally. No theme. Either a quick recap or lead-in and then just the name of the show. The first 2 minutes of shooting usually reserved for special guests appearances to have their names displayed now include the principle characters. Now for shows like "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" ("In West Philadelphia born and raised"), we all knew who Will Smith was but we only kept up with the other characters because of the intro which happens to be one of the most popular rap lines sung by all, ranking up there with Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back". There isn't a hard formula to follow, the greatest words aren't even necessary just a catchy tune. Look at Showtime's hit show Weeds. ("Tiny boxes on the hillside...") They have the same theme song, yet song in a different genre each week. Its really quite creative.

I bring this up because I am a nostalgia type of guy. Music is the only form of time travel that I am aware of. So networks if you wonder why no one remembers your last failed attempt at a cult classic hit television show, think about bringing some lyricists and create a jingle that jogs the memory.

"Where did my theme song go, I'm wonder where it went off too. I miss my theme song so, I'm searching but I can't get through. Please tell that song if you hear it, that someones longing to learn it. Where did my theme song go, I'm wishing it would get back soon. Get back soon."

So what's your favorite theme song? Mine goes along with this posts picture. Let me know. Better yet let's see you kick some of the lyrics.

Far be it for me to allow faulty associations from faux friends.
Ultimately ur unforgettable excuses are useless when usually I didn't expect much from u.
Cautiously I convey conscious decisions to be more selective about the collective I keep in confidence.
Keeping those that don't want to be kept, killing time rather then being a kickstand.
Yet you rather misrepresent yourself; youthful delusions have let me know that your youngness is contagious and at my age it's time for you to leave.
Ordinarily I would organize my thoughts better; ought to open up to the idea that friends can be opposites and understand you.
Usually I have plenty of umbrellas to stand under; uncommonly too often I find myself in the rain. An understatement which I will forever utilize.


be careful of those with ulterior motives and of those you are quick to call friend. and for those offended by this piece, just read straight down the side.

© October 2007
Staats

First Day of Class

Hello I'm STAATS.
That's two A's in the middle.
Or A Squared if you like Algebra.
And on the subject of math I am a Fraction of your random stereotypes.
As some Black women like to categorize me I am Half of "one of the four".
Usually meant to describe the Ratio of available Black Men to Black Women.
Gay, in Jail, married, or just doesn't want you.
So being Half of that Equation I am either Bi, on probation, in a serious relationship, or have very little interest in you.
Nonetheless it makes for a great Theorem that we will not be proving today.
It just serves as an introduction to this Mathematical lesson.
To find out more you can turn to your Glossary in the back of your book.
Past the answers to only the Odd questions,
Which you still can't turn in without showing the Work.
I am that One question on your final exam that takes the whole class to unravel.
And even then that isn't enough time.

To truly grasp this course you must understand that I use words to speak the most universal language...
MATH.
Very few people grasp the remedial skills to excel to STAATS.
I'm not for everybody.
Although my existence has always been permeated by the association of basic Numbers.
It is the intricacies in how they are used that create me.

For example:
I am the bi-product of 1 plus 1.
An 11 plus 14 brought forth a 7 born on the 22nd day.
Twice named and forged with statistical value I am a 1st born 2nd.

Statistically speaking the Average man has 8 Perfect years in his life.
As I have reached my 5th Perfect year I am beginning to see that life really is what you make it.
That a 3-year detour is just a detour.
The Line may go off on a Tangent, but still Intersects on the same Plane.
Be it Jersey, NC, Philly, or Bmore, it's Congruent.
Not the same but Equal to.
It might sound like an over complicated way to explain something so simple.
But for those that struggled in Math, and haven't taken STAATS yet
Feel free to hit Graph on your TI-82 Calculator.

© October 2007
Staats

Honestly Speaking

Honestly speaking, I’m not so honest.
I’m complicated.
But if I wasn’t would you be here.
If I didn’t present a break from the norm, obviously there would be no need for me to be so honest.
Honestly.
If I was to write my honesty down it would be an epic tragedy.
If I was to sing it, it would be the saddest love song.
If I was to just do it…I would be presiding over my own eulogy…but I’m still here.
I’m still standing…still living in the now.
Still watching my life in Technicolor and digitally mastered surround sound.
Honestly speaking, I’ve walked through life unaware of my surroundings.
Right and left blinders on so I see only what is ahead.
But I can still see a future so I’m really trying to speak honestly.
Create a foundation that is not cemented in half truths.
And truthfully you must be someone short of amazing.
Truly.
My eyes aren’t protected from your light, blinders or not.
You create such a supernova of possibilities that I can’t possibly let this moment slip by.
I want to stop time, fight to live in this moment.
But I just can’t fight anymore.
Can’t make this piece sing right no more.
All there is left is left.
There used to be a time when I thought I could slick talk on the day of judgment.
Now I know for my actions all I can do is repent.
I have a Friend that I turn to that says that no one is without imperfection.
Well, I know I’m not perfect. But does that have to be my direction.
Must I love so hard for me to fall even harder.
Will my pursuit of happiness ever stop being a cylindrical pursuit
Or is confusion ever a two dimensional plane.
As I rambled my Friend smiled, eased my pain, and uttered peace be still.
Do not steal away into the night.
Do not steel away your emotions.
You’ve tried catching love 21 times.
Honestly speaking, maybe catch 22 is a commonality that obviously speaks volumes.
Honestly speaking of course.

© December 2006
Staats